hi, i got some issues

[warrant]

here`s my deal- what happens is i got in some fender bender like a month ago but failed to show up at the court...the car was the one of my friend`s. he talked to the case investigator who let him know that a warrant issued for my arrest. now that i am getting married it my be a real pain in the butt...what are the odds now?

[Krasota]

Why don't you speak Russian if your English sucks?

[Мандаринка]

He/she sounds more like an American with bad writing than Russian with bad English.

[Krasota]

He has a problem with articles -- "russian" problem.

[Мандаринка]

Where are the article errors?
warrant, sorry, just curious.

[Akela]

here`s my deal- what happens is i got in some fender bender like a month ago but failed to show up at the court...the car was the one of my friend`s. he talked to the case investigator who let him know that a warrant issued for my arrest. now that i am getting married it my be a real pain in the butt...what are the odds now?

You'll die. One day. 100%.

[Мандаринка]

Какой же у нас Акела оптимист. )

[Krasota]

Where are the article errors?
warrant, sorry, just curious.

Sorry, just one article error instead of multiple errors [the car was the one of my friend`s]. Plus 2 verbs. Plus some other random stuff....

[Мандаринка]

that a warrant was issued.

other than that everything looks like casual American speech.

warrant, дорогой, напишите что-нибудь по-русски, разрешите наши сомнения.

[Akela]

О, действительно, может быть русский..

Тогда так:

Ты умрешь. Рано или поздно. 100% вероятность.