Famous Sexual Quotes

[Malishka]

Famous Sexual Quotes
Lessons in Life


"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
Tom Clancy

"You know 'that look' women get when they want sex?...... Me neither."
Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."
Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Sharon Stone

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is,"
Barbara Bush (Former U.S. First Lady, and, you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor!)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. ! Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams

[Malishka]

THE RIGHT WAY TO BURN THOSE CALORIES!!

It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise.
Until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure
of different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research
they are proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:

With her consent..................................... 12 Calories
Without her consent................................. 187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:

With both hands....................................... 8 Calories
With one hand........................................ 12 Calories
With your teeth..................................... 85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:

With an erection...................................... 6 Calories
Without an erection................................. 315 Calories


PRELIMINARIES:

Trying to find the clitoris.......................... 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot............................ 92 Calories

POSITIONS:

Missionary........................................ ... 12 Calories
69 lying down........................................ 78 Calories
69 standing up...................................... 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow....................................... .. 216 Calories
Doggy Style......................................... 326 Calories
Italian chandelier.................................. 912 Calories

ORGASMING:

Real.............................................. .. 112 Calories
Fake.............................................. .. 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:

Lying in bed hugging................................. 18 Calories
Getting up immediately............................... 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately....... 816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:

20-29 years old...................................... 36 Calories
30-39 years.......................................... 80 Calories
40-49 years........................................ 124 Calories
50-59 years........................................ 972 Calories
60-69 years....................................... 2916 Calories
70 and over........................... Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:

Calmly............................................ ... 32 Calories
In a hurry........................................... 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door............... 1218 Calories
With the kids knocking at the door..................6000 Calories
WITH YOUR WIFE KNOCKING AT THE DOOR............... 9815 Calories

[Malishka]

BUMPER STICKERS YOU PROBABLY MISSED BECAUSE YOU WERE DRIVING TOO
FAST.
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If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
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Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
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The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
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I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.
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So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
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Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
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If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
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Eat Right, Exercise, --- Die Anyway.
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Illiterate? Write For Help.
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Honk If Anything Falls Off.
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Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
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He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit.

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
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You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
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Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
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( Seen Upside Down On A Jeep )
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...
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Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed For 70 mph.
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Guys: No Shirt, No Service.
Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
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If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba
The Hut?
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Ax Me About Ebonics.
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Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.
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Boldly Going Nowhere.
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Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
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Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
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If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
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How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
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GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
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"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"