Коллекция анекдотов на английском

[Mikhail-u]

It seems that Osama Bin Laden died a natural death and found himself walking across a celestial field. The first person to approach him was George Washington, who promptly punched him in the stomach. Dismayed by such unanticipated treatment, the illusive one walked away.

Shortly thereafter, Thomas Jefferson confronted him and summarily delivered a fierce uppercut to his bearded chin. While Osama was puzzling over this bewildering reception, Thomas Paine walked up and spat in his eye. At this point, Lin Laden cried out, "Can this really be heaven?" Patrick Henry responded before bashing him with an ivory harp, "What sort of treatment did you expect from 72 Virginians?"

[Mikhail-u]

A left-liberal woman is leaving her multimillion dollar mansion in Beverly Hills when a poor man approaches her and cries, "Oh ma'am, I haven't eaten in three days."

To which the woman responds: "I am so envious of you; I wish I had your will
power."

[sharik]

ок, то что это [left-wing]--это вольная интерпретация? :D

Следующий раз начни так: Hilary, being a left-liberal woman,.....

[Буржуй]

ок, то что это [left-wing]--это вольная интерпретация? :D

Следующий раз начни так: Hilary, being a left-liberal woman,.....

Hillary Clinton being a left-liberal is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the one with only seven commandments...

[sharik]

Ха! Я на минуту задумалась сколькo их всего

[Mikhail-u]

ок, то что это [left-wing]--это вольная интерпретация? :Д

А кто ещё живёт на Беверли Хиллз, шарик?

[Mikhail-u]

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

[Mikhail-u]

COUNSELING - SOUTHERN (redneck) STYLE



Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and
drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, 'I think I'm gonna
divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months.'

Earl spits, sips his beer and says, 'Better think it over - - - - -
women like that are hard to find.'

[Mikhail-u]

Only the Irish have Jokes Like These

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy,
looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken,
his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp
' What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.
' Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight,' says Paddy.
' That little shit, O'Conner,' says Sean,
'He couldn't do that to you,
he must have had something in his hand.'
' That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had,
and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'
' W ell,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself,
didn't you have something in your hand?'
That I did,' said Paddy.
'Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
beauty it was, but useless in a fight.'

[Mikhail-u]

Four men got together and went deer hunting. Three were avid outdoors men and the fourth was their pastor.

By and by, they saw a deer and all wanted it, so all opened fire. The deer ran a few steps and dropped over dead. Each one of the four hunters thought that he had been the one to kill the deer.

Upon examining the deer to check size of bullet holes, they could find none on the deer's body. But then one made the statement that it was the pastor that shot the deer.

"How can you tell?" asked the other outdoors men.

"Easy," said the one. "The bullet went in one ear, and out the other."