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[Bibob3d]

HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- the attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and "special services."

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

[Mikhail-u]

The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang and his wife answered.
An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?"
Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked.
"Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open and there is a burglar in it."

[Krakadil]

The Pasta Diet

1) You walka pasta the bakery.
2) You walka pasta the candy store.
3) You walka pasta the Ice Cream shop.
4) You walka pasta the table and fridge.

[Krakadil]

And for those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word
on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all the
conflicting medical studies:
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausage and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what
kills you.

[Krakadil]

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India ..

The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."
Mujibar said, "I am ready"
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready"
The manager said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.
No doubt you have spoken to him. I have.

[Krakadil]

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly age 6)

Oysters' balls are called pearls.
(James age 6)

If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea
all around you, you are incontinent.
(Wayne age 7)

I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson. She's not my friend no more.
(Kylie age 6)

A Dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head.
(Billy age 6)


I like mermaids! . They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How
do mermaids get pregnant?
(Helen age 7)

Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give
you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my
willy small.
(Kevin age 6)

There are a lot of suckers in the ocean. The Mafia put them there.
(Russ age 5)

[Krakadil]

A mother is driving her 7 year-old daughter to her friend's
house for a play date when the little girl asks "Mommy," how old are
you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the
mother replies sweetly. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now
really," the mother says, a bit less sweetly. "Those are personal
questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get
a divorce?" "That's enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
mom says as her daughter is getting out of the car.
The exasperated mother drives away as the two friends begin
to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl
says to her friend. "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at
her
drivers license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I
know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How
did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is
past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that
out?"
And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got
a divorce." Now mom's getting mad. She says, "Oh really?
And just why is that, young lady?"
"Because you got an F in sex."

[Krakadil]

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English
language today is the word "fuck". It is the magical word which, just by
its sound can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language , "fuck" falls into many Grammatical categories.
It can be used as a verb both transitive (John fucked Mary) and
intransitive(Mary was Fucked by John).
It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary
really doesn't give a fuck), and adverb (Mary is fucking interested in
John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
It can also be used as an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with
Mary). It can even be ued as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also
stupid).
As you can see there are very words with the overall versitility of the
word fuck.
Aside from its sexual connotations, this word can be used to describe
many situations:
1. Greetings........."How the fuck are ya?"
2. Fraud..............."I got fucked by the car dealer."
3. Resignation......."Oh, fuck it!
4. Trouble............."I guess I'm fucked now."
5. Agression........."FUCK YOU!"
6. Disgust................"Fuck me."
7. Confusion............." What the fuck....?"
8. Displeasure............"Fucking shit man..."
9. Lost........................"where the fuck are we?"
10.Disbelief.............."UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!!"
11.Retaliation............."Up your fucking ass!"
12.Apathy................."Who really gives a fuck?"
13.Suspicion............."Who the fuck are you?"
14.Directions.............."Fuck off."
It can be maternal........"MOTHERFUCKER!!"
It can be used to tell time......." It's four fucking twenty!"
It can be used as an anatomical description............."He's a fucking
asshole."
Lastly, it has been used by many notable people throughout history:
"What the fuck was that?" ~Mayor of Hiroshema~
"Thats not a real fucking gun." ~John Lennon~
"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" ~Captain of the Titanic~
"Who the fuck is gonna find out?" ~Richard Nixon~
"Heads are gonna fucking roll." ~Anne Boleyn~
"Any fucking idiot could answer that." ~Albert Einstein~
"It does so fucking look like her!" ~Picasso~
"You want what on the fucking celiling?" ~Michaelangelo~
"Fuck a duck." ~Walt Disney~
"Houston we have a big fucking problem." ~The crew of Apollo 13~

[Krakadil]

The Moods of a Woman:

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

The Moods of a Man:

Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy.

[Krakadil]

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his
parents, so he went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen
cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and
said, "Mom, I have something to tell you: I'm gay." His mother made no reply
or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd
heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said
calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your
mouth after they may have been in their rectal canal?" The guy said
nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right." His mother went back to stirring
the pot, then suddenly whirled around, whacked him over the head with her
spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!"