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Condoleezza Rice is expected to be a great advocate for the United States as Secretary of State. That's because if she could explain U.S. policy to President Bush for the last four years, then she can explain it to anybody. (Jake Novak)The world's largest passenger airliner was unveiled in France on Tuesday. The A380 Airbus is so large it can carry 800 Europeans -- or 555 fat Americans.
The plane is bigger than a football field. But with just 800 seats, only the 49ers would be interested in playing in one.
President Bush says he’s not going to spend more money on "programs that aren’t working." So I guess the war in Iraq is over. That’s great news. How 'bout that? (Jay Leno)
Prince Harry has embarrassed the royal family yet again. He showed up at a party dressed as the Jets kicker. (David Letterman)Prince Harry is really sorry he wore that Nazi outfit, but he can't figure why everyone's so mad. He never gets any complaints when he wears his Charlie Manson pajamas. (Bill Williams)
CEO Scott Livengood was ousted Tuesday as head of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. He did not get any severance, but he will receive 5,833 doughnuts a month.
Richard Hatch, who became a millionaire when he won the first-ever "Survivor" TV series, has agreed to plead guilty to two counts of tax evasion. That's incredible. IRS actually watches reality shows.
If the plea bargain keeps Hatch out of prison, he really will be a survivor.
When Melania Knauss walks down the aisle Saturday to marry real estate mogul Donald Trump, she'll be wearing a sumptuous $100,000 gown by Christian Dior. She'll wear something else for the reception, in case they serve sushi and she wants to throw up.
Donald paid for the gown. I thought Donald was bankrupt. I hope Dior got cash in advance.
There is going to be a "Fear Factor" theme park. All of the food in the park will make you violently ill. So really, how different is that from any other theme park? (Craig Ferguson)
Pamela Anderson announced in London Sunday that she's gotten breast implants again. The actress wanted the world to know. Two years ago Pamela Anderson had breast reduction surgery, a medical procedure that's known in Hollywood as retirement. (comedian Argus Hamilton)
The U.S. government is shut down so everybody can practice the inauguration. It's important. It could very well be the first thing this administration gets right.
The President is working hard practicing the Oath of Office and raising his right hand.
He said Monday, "It's haaarrrd work."
Temperatures plummeted across the eastern half of the nation Monday, with the mercury dropping to minus 54 degrees at Embarrass, Minnesota. The town was named Embarrass because every winter somebody freezes something important when they forget to wear their electric girdle.
It's the only town where you can go to Starbucks and soak your toes in a latte.
The space probe that landed on Saturn's moon, Titan, showed the surface appears to be a pale-orange landscape with a thin crust giving a squishy consistency. Skeptics immediately said it was just a close-up of Michael Jackson's nose. (Bill Williams)
Baltimore defensive coordinator Mike Nolan accepted the San Francisco 49ers' head coaching position Monday and began to negotiate a contract to take over the NFL's worst team. It was Nolan's lifelong dream. He always wanted to be the worst.
Don't you know his family is thrilled.
Sexy "Desperate Housewives" ruled at the Golden Globes this week. It was the fashion industry's way of reassuring the world American women still have breasts.
As if anybody ever doubted it.
"Coach Carter" topped the U.S. movie box office this weekend. It's about a high school coach who shuts down a basketball program to focus on his players' lagging education. So, obviously, it doesn't qualify as a reality show.
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